Why grass?!!

I hate the grass. It grows too fast, requires constant mowing, I constantly get fined for having it too long even after constant mowing, AND it's even less killable than the weeds!



I'd grow delicious veggies and herbs but the insects infesting my ground make it impossible. My corn came out smaller than raisins. Like that episode of Giligan's Island when the "raisin" turned out to be a watermelon.


Wheat grass would at least be nutritious. I wonder if it grows as well as typical grass.Also, it doesn't seem to require fertilizer. I tried to make my own compost (why pay when you can make it free?) but the aformentioned insects are impossible.

This season, I'll try lawn fabric to cover the whole mess. Hopefully, it'll last half as long as stated but I'm sure my lawn will win out soon enough.

Oh, well, there's always rock gardens. No, wait, the neighborhood kids will throw them through my windows. Maybe I could just plop a shed on top?

How ridiculous is the time and money spent caring for a lawn? Grass seed, fertilizer, insecticide, weed killer, lawn mower, trimmer, maintenance, water... And of course there's the people who water their lawns during the worst droughts. Can't let the grass go thirsty while people can go ahead and die of dehydration, right?

Even better, how about a desert theme? Plant those cacti that retain water forever. Then during a
drought you could drink from the lawn! 

Plant food for the homeless and hungry if not for yourself.