A Tip For Idiotic Bigots

I'm guessing you pretend to be an upstanding citizen and a productive helpful member of society. You wouldn't kill someone on the off chance you might get arrested, right? But you would want them out of your neighborhood since it should a nice pure place for you and your kind to live.

If so, the last thing you want is to destroy your target's property or physically hurt them or their family. See, it takes money to move away. It takes more money for them not to go broke and have to live with government support which would be paid for with YOUR hard-earned tax dollars, gasp! You don't want them to have to continually shell out for hospital bills and fixing and replacing things.

Try asking; it doesn't even have to be too nicely. Or telling. Or anything else that doesn't involve physical assault or property destruction which are both still crimes that can be pinned on you. Also, lay off with trying to get them fined for stupid things because again, you don't want to them to run out of the money they'd need to move out of your precious neighborhood. 'Cause then might have no choice but to stay right there NEXTTOYOU which is the last thing either of you want.

The point is, home should be a sanctuary. Yes, I suppose even you have a right to that. As for your target, no place with a-holes like you around is much of a sanctuary. Give them the best chance possible of moving away already so you both can be happier. Emphasis on the YOU because of course you deserve everything good in the universe and they don't. *roll eyes*

Help, I've Been Graffitied, Please Fine Me?

Trying to find any information on the Philadelphia Community Life Improvement Program (CLIP), I visited their website. They say they do graffiti removal. Considering how they treat me all the time for "long" grass and litter, I'm guessing if my place were graffitied, the process would go like this:

1) Punks - probably put up to it by Nasty Neighbor - graffiti my place with discriminatory slurs while I'm out running errands.

2) Nasty Neighbor - who hates me for no reason and keeps messing with me even though I've done nothing to him, not even in payback - informs CLIP that there's graffiti on my house and it's an "eyesore" for him.

3) CLIP "officer" comes out, takes a picture, writes up a ticket with a large fine against me even though I'm the victim here. Most especially because there's no video cameras on my property to prove that punks did it instead of me. Since, of course, I'd graffiti my own property with slurs against myself.

4) I come home to find a double bonus of graffitied slurs and a large fine. The ticket informs me that if I don't clean up the graffiti in two days, they'll send a crew to do it and charge me an excessive amount for the privilege.

5) I spend time I don't have cleaning the graffiti and money I don't have paying the large fine.

6) Another time while I'm out running errands, crew arrives at my house to clean up now nonexistent graffiti.

7) I receive an exorbitant bill in the mail for graffiti cleanup "service".

What a load of bull Philadelphia CLIP is.

Fining the Littered Upon Instead of the Litterbugs

Hi, I'm a piece of litter. I used to be a disposable coffee cup. Some inconsiderate douchebag decided he couldn't be bothered to carry me an extra block to drop me in a recycling bin. Heck, even a trash can might have worked if there were lots of coffee residue left in me that was too much for recycling to handle. There was a trash can less than ten feet away.

Nope, this guy just drops me to the ground. Since I'm in the way, people passing by kick me out of the way and partly down the street. Ouch! The wind then gets a hold of me. Whee!

Eventually, I end up on Innocent Homeowner's lawn, caught along her neighbor's garden wall. Homeowner's out running errands. She has been for half an hour already and she won't be back for another hour at least. Unfortunately for her, that's when the "Officer" "happens" along.

Officer has tickets, a fat stack of envelopes (Really? Envelopes? What kind of officer carries envelopes?), an itchy writing hand, and one heck of a bad attitude. He spots me chilling on Homeowner's lawn and takes a photo to document me. Cheese! Wait, I blinked! Take another one.

He then writes a ticket for a large fine. The punk calls me a dirty name: litter. Hey, I used to be a coffee cup. I had a legitimate and very useful function. Now, I'm just trash that got found where it shouldn't be through no fault of mine or Homeowner's.

Officer prints out one of those tickets with the bad picture, stuffs it in an envelope, then sticks it in Homeowner's door. About an hour later, Homeowner gets home to find she's out another large amount of money - when money's already tight - for a piece of litter she never had a chance to know was there let alone pick up. Of course, Homeowner would rather pay frivolous fines than save money to fix her leaky roof. Homeowner can't stay on top of any litter that blows along 24-7 365-366 days a year. No one could.

The actual douchebag litterbug gets away scott free. All the other neighbors on the same street with even more litter on the lawns? Officer didn't even bother with them even though anyone with eyes walking down the street could see. Yeah, I'm talking about you there with the newspaper pages and soda cans. And you with the food wrappers and coffee cups.

How is that helpful? That'll really teach litterbugs not to litter anymore if you just fine the people whose lawns the litter ends up on. It especially helps if you ignore all the other litter lying around.

If you see litter in a public park, are you going to fine the dying cancer-stricken wheelchair-bound person the trash blew up against? Or the person who dropped the litter on the ground instead of in a trash can two feet away? How is it fair to fine anyone except the litterbug?

Thanks a lot Philadelphia Streets and Walkways Education and Enforcement Program (SWEEP). Their description: City-run program created to educate Philadelphia citizens about their responsibilities under the Sanitation Code. I recall no education about this before a fine got stuffed in my door.