A Tip For Idiotic Bigots

I'm guessing you pretend to be an upstanding citizen and a productive helpful member of society. You wouldn't kill someone on the off chance you might get arrested, right? But you would want them out of your neighborhood since it should a nice pure place for you and your kind to live.

If so, the last thing you want is to destroy your target's property or physically hurt them or their family. See, it takes money to move away. It takes more money for them not to go broke and have to live with government support which would be paid for with YOUR hard-earned tax dollars, gasp! You don't want them to have to continually shell out for hospital bills and fixing and replacing things.

Try asking; it doesn't even have to be too nicely. Or telling. Or anything else that doesn't involve physical assault or property destruction which are both still crimes that can be pinned on you. Also, lay off with trying to get them fined for stupid things because again, you don't want to them to run out of the money they'd need to move out of your precious neighborhood. 'Cause then might have no choice but to stay right there NEXTTOYOU which is the last thing either of you want.

The point is, home should be a sanctuary. Yes, I suppose even you have a right to that. As for your target, no place with a-holes like you around is much of a sanctuary. Give them the best chance possible of moving away already so you both can be happier. Emphasis on the YOU because of course you deserve everything good in the universe and they don't. *roll eyes*

The New Adventures of Superman 1966 part 1

Superman takes people into space without helmets! Even as Superboy he had better sense than that. His invincibility does not extend that far past his skin-tight costume.

On a similar note, doesn't he ever care if creatures will even be able to survive on the alien planet where he drops them off? See The Prehistoric Pterodactyls and Superman Meets His Match.

Up up and away! Down! Away!  Up for up. Away for forward. Down for down. Some combo thereof for everything else. Why does he bother saying these things? As Superboy, this might have been to let Krypto where know they should go. As Superman, he's just talking to himself. Or teaching kids about directions a la Sesame Street. For about two episodes in Season 2 he actually drops this, but then it's back


The Mermen of Emor - Why is it fun to watch sharks punt a ball with a guy inside? It might as well be a beach ball. Why not give the guy a fighting chance with weapons and all?

Merlin's Magic Marbles - Since when does the genius Luthor need magic? What does Merlin get out of this deal? Since when does a guy trustingly accept magic balls from another guy?

The Threat of the Thrutans - Next time try asking nicely. Honey and vinegar and all that.

All those episodes with Warlock - How many times could Superman have just snatched the wand before Warlock knew what hit him? Warlock is lame and crabby and an utter a-hole, his sister should have left him in that prison so she'd still have her own ruby.

The Deadly Icebergs - Wouldn't it have been easier for Superman to destroy the icebergs first and eliminate the threat?

The Men from APE - APE (Allied Perpetrators of Evil). When I first heard this, it sounded like Alive Perpetrators of Evil. Actually it still does. Of course that would have been awfully stupid as in are there Dead Perpetrators of Evil?

Help, I've Been Graffitied, Please Fine Me?

Trying to find any information on the Philadelphia Community Life Improvement Program (CLIP), I visited their website. They say they do graffiti removal. Considering how they treat me all the time for "long" grass and litter, I'm guessing if my place were graffitied, the process would go like this:

1) Punks - probably put up to it by Nasty Neighbor - graffiti my place with discriminatory slurs while I'm out running errands.

2) Nasty Neighbor - who hates me for no reason and keeps messing with me even though I've done nothing to him, not even in payback - informs CLIP that there's graffiti on my house and it's an "eyesore" for him.

3) CLIP "officer" comes out, takes a picture, writes up a ticket with a large fine against me even though I'm the victim here. Most especially because there's no video cameras on my property to prove that punks did it instead of me. Since, of course, I'd graffiti my own property with slurs against myself.

4) I come home to find a double bonus of graffitied slurs and a large fine. The ticket informs me that if I don't clean up the graffiti in two days, they'll send a crew to do it and charge me an excessive amount for the privilege.

5) I spend time I don't have cleaning the graffiti and money I don't have paying the large fine.

6) Another time while I'm out running errands, crew arrives at my house to clean up now nonexistent graffiti.

7) I receive an exorbitant bill in the mail for graffiti cleanup "service".

What a load of bull Philadelphia CLIP is.

Fantastic Four: Mr. Not So Fantastic

Fantastic Four: The Complete 1994-95 Animated Television Series

How many wives would name their husbands Mr. Fantastic? Especially with men who completely ignore them?
Susam Storm (to test if he's listening): "I'm going to go drown myself."
Reed Richards (obviously not?): "That's nice, dear."

Dr. Doom looking happy and blushing? Oh, the horror! Then again Sue is a beautiful woman, not that her man Reed notices. Doom's slacking; those Doombots look like mini Sentinel knockoffs.

Prince Namor the Submariner also notices Sue's beauty and tries to lure he into becoming his queen. She halfway falls for it. Seriously? The guy has ridiculously un-aerodymnic ankle wings which couldn't possibly help him fly. Not to mention the Vulcan ears how he doesn't look - or have powers - remotely like any of his people, which is why some of them want to overthrow him. Oh, and he has the personality of an cranky ass.

That Human Torch - How did Johnny Storm's towel stay on as he did all that jumping and flipping around when controlled by the Mole Man? His serenade of the spoiled girl: *cringe.*

Mmm...tastes like chicken - Galactus looked like he was sucking chicken skin off the planets he consumed. Yummy?

Miscellaneous - If vibranium punches back when Thing punches it, how was hitting one specific spot supposed to help? Never realized the Watcher was quite such a large baby man. Pyschoman: bad Mongol look-alike?

Adventures in Windows 7 #Whatever: That Blasted Task Scheduler

After all this time, I still haven't managed to get my now-aging Windows 7 system the way I want it. I despise when a company tells me I have to do certain things at certain times every month, week, day, hour. I've never used Task Scheduler before and damned if they'll ever make me use it!

Of course, when I try to go through the hundred tasks Windows tries to run by default and remove ot turn them off, sonething gets screwed. Does anyone really need a dozen tasks running constantly, trying to report everything you do to Microsoft in the name of "helping them improve Windows?"

And I don't have my system on for more than a few carefully selected hours at a time, let alone at 2 AM in the morning so they can run a Disk Defrag. I'll run a Defrag when I want to, and not using your piss poor version. So I try to remove the defrag task from the Scheduler, but then get an error message from the Defrag program, and ever after get error messages all over the Scheduler. To be safe, I completely restore the system to try again, this time unsetting the scheduling from inside the Defrag program first. Which, of course, gives me error messages all over the Scheduler.

*Sigh*

The Incredible Hulk 1982 - Miraculous Clothes

Miracle clothes - They rip and tear when Bruce Banner changes into Hulk until he's wearing nothing but ragged purple pants. When he changes back to Dr. Banner, the clothes are whole again. Miraculous! Imagine never having to lose buttons, replace holey clothes or repair broken seams. Oh, except for the occassional lab coat that goes missing after he returns to weak Banner mode.

Idiot Talbot - Sure, he knows martial arts, NOT. Could he have called Betty any louder to alert the enemy to their presence? Watch he swiftly he flees. No wonder the men called him Noodlehead Ned. Why hasn't he gottem demoted yet?

That three star nightgown - Do those nightgowns come standard for army generals?

Why grass?!!

I hate the grass. It grows too fast, requires constant mowing, I constantly get fined for having it too long even after constant mowing, AND it's even less killable than the weeds!



I'd grow delicious veggies and herbs but the insects infesting my ground make it impossible. My corn came out smaller than raisins. Like that episode of Giligan's Island when the "raisin" turned out to be a watermelon.


Wheat grass would at least be nutritious. I wonder if it grows as well as typical grass.Also, it doesn't seem to require fertilizer. I tried to make my own compost (why pay when you can make it free?) but the aformentioned insects are impossible.

This season, I'll try lawn fabric to cover the whole mess. Hopefully, it'll last half as long as stated but I'm sure my lawn will win out soon enough.

Oh, well, there's always rock gardens. No, wait, the neighborhood kids will throw them through my windows. Maybe I could just plop a shed on top?

How ridiculous is the time and money spent caring for a lawn? Grass seed, fertilizer, insecticide, weed killer, lawn mower, trimmer, maintenance, water... And of course there's the people who water their lawns during the worst droughts. Can't let the grass go thirsty while people can go ahead and die of dehydration, right?

Even better, how about a desert theme? Plant those cacti that retain water forever. Then during a
drought you could drink from the lawn! 

Plant food for the homeless and hungry if not for yourself.

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends (aka Love Triangle)

Talk about flexibility: Spidey can change in the tight confines of a sarcophagus! Where's Spidey stashing his clothes?

Iceman - Anyone else thinks he might be overemphasizing his muscles when he builds that icy shell? And where did his clothes go that time he turned back to Bobby wearing nothing but underwear?

The secret room - How'd they build it and with what money? Why hasn't Aunt May accidentally activated it when dusting or walked in while it was open and they were out?


Three's Company - The threesome are like Three's Company with superpowers. Well, I guess since Firestar looks like MJ they didn't need Mary Jane Watson there even if Anna Watson was living next door. Love triangle!

 
Licensing fees, please - They have Spidey comics, T-shirts, and costumes. They invited him to star in a Hollywood movie. Why isn't Peter getting a cut of this stuff? Since they like to send Spidey bills for destruction in the wake of his superheroing, at least he could start a fund using licensing fees to pay for all that. Peter's so broke he had to go as Spider-Man for Halloween while his equally jobless college friends got to go as other superheroes.

That arcade - Who studies in an arcade? Can anyone even concentrate with all the noise? Not that I didn't enjoy seeing Flash Thompson getting Ponged to within an inch of his life.

That Dracula -  Anyone else think Dracula sounded fruity saying "frisky little frosty friend?" How did he keep crocodiles alive in a tiny enclosed space for decades? Vampires should be afraid of fire so why marry Firestar?



Miscellaneous - How did the Red Skull's henchmen touch that burning rope around Iceman with their bare hands? How did they save the future from Spidey germs without decomtaminating the future girl before sending her back?

The Tale of Grass Blade or How I got Fined and Charged Again

I'm a blade of grass. The name's Grass Blade. Together with a lawn full of my relatives, I might look lush and green and harmless. I'm anything but.

I am grass. I'll grow as high as I can. And no matter how much you try to cut me down, I'll grow right back up. I reach for the spring and summer sun most when it's too hot for you to do a dang thing about it without suffering heatstroke. I will wear you down.



As for me in particular, I'm an ornery sumb*tch. I live right by these weird pipes on Homeowner's lawn. Homeowner can't get near us with a mower or string trimmer. Me and my amigos laugh when she tries. There's a line of b*stards by Neighbor Guy's garden wall that are just as safe as us around the pipes.

So she looks it up on one of them newfangled things. She dumps out a heavy load of salt. I gotta say that one stung a bit. I lived though. Then she pours on some vinegar. I ain't no pickle! She plants some low-growing groundcover to push us out. The weaker blades fall but the rest of us live. She lays out mulch to smother us. Some of us poke right back through. She gives in and gives me and my buddies a good haircut with some big hedge clippers. It's hard on her with the slope and the wall and the pipes.



A while later, the lawn gets up to maybe three inches and some low-down no-good Neighbor of Homeowner reports her to Philadelphia Community Life Improvement Program (CLIP). This Neighbor's own grass is three FEET tall. So's the grass of Neighbor's closest five friends. But them bigots all got it in for Homeowner - even though she never did a thing to them - so they report her. How's any of that for improving community life?

CLIP sends an "officer" out to take a picture and write up a ticket for a $75 fine. What?! I got a trim not too long ago and my beard's just coming back in nice-like. They says if she don't cut us grass in a couple days, they'll send a crew and charge her for the privilege. "Officer" conveniently don't bother looking at the Neighbor's taller grass and fining HIM.

Homeowner paid the fine 'cause she ain't got time to go to the hearings to contest these bogus fines all the time. She cut the grass too. I ain't never been so bald. Couple days later when she's out at work, they send a crew anyway. Then they mail Homeowner a bill for $200.

I'm still here growing with my pals. I ain't going nowhere. I'm too stubborn to die. I will return.

The Amazing Spider-Man 1981, Everybody loves Peter

Everybody loves Peter. No, really. - Betty broke up with him but still dates him. J
Jonah Jameson went to his school play. JJ even stayed with him when he was sick!

Doom - He keeps taking over the United Nations, but he can't hold it. Why bother? It's not the real seat of the world's power. No, we all know that the real power is in a secret cabal that's above the law.

Why does he need to enslave and terrorize his Latverian people do do the heavy work? The robot overseers he uses could probably do the work more quickly and efficiently.


JJ also loves Doom, much more than Peter. That tightwad hardly seemed to notice when Doom destroyed his mansion. He didn't even overhear from a few feet away when Doom ranted loudly about destroying the world. Talk about blind (and deaf) love.


How does Spider-Man do that? His Spidey-sense effect doesn't line up with his eyes; how does he see through the costume? How could he be so sure that the strong acid he used to dissolve the cuffs in the sewer wouldn't swirl around in the rushing water and eat him up?

Miscellaneous - Why does Jolly J Jameson have a Hitler mustache? Aunt May think Spidey socks are adorable! Is that Clark Kent/Superman in the phone booth? Why is a telecommunications professor lecturing about Spider-Man's grace?

Fining the Littered Upon Instead of the Litterbugs

Hi, I'm a piece of litter. I used to be a disposable coffee cup. Some inconsiderate douchebag decided he couldn't be bothered to carry me an extra block to drop me in a recycling bin. Heck, even a trash can might have worked if there were lots of coffee residue left in me that was too much for recycling to handle. There was a trash can less than ten feet away.

Nope, this guy just drops me to the ground. Since I'm in the way, people passing by kick me out of the way and partly down the street. Ouch! The wind then gets a hold of me. Whee!

Eventually, I end up on Innocent Homeowner's lawn, caught along her neighbor's garden wall. Homeowner's out running errands. She has been for half an hour already and she won't be back for another hour at least. Unfortunately for her, that's when the "Officer" "happens" along.

Officer has tickets, a fat stack of envelopes (Really? Envelopes? What kind of officer carries envelopes?), an itchy writing hand, and one heck of a bad attitude. He spots me chilling on Homeowner's lawn and takes a photo to document me. Cheese! Wait, I blinked! Take another one.

He then writes a ticket for a large fine. The punk calls me a dirty name: litter. Hey, I used to be a coffee cup. I had a legitimate and very useful function. Now, I'm just trash that got found where it shouldn't be through no fault of mine or Homeowner's.

Officer prints out one of those tickets with the bad picture, stuffs it in an envelope, then sticks it in Homeowner's door. About an hour later, Homeowner gets home to find she's out another large amount of money - when money's already tight - for a piece of litter she never had a chance to know was there let alone pick up. Of course, Homeowner would rather pay frivolous fines than save money to fix her leaky roof. Homeowner can't stay on top of any litter that blows along 24-7 365-366 days a year. No one could.

The actual douchebag litterbug gets away scott free. All the other neighbors on the same street with even more litter on the lawns? Officer didn't even bother with them even though anyone with eyes walking down the street could see. Yeah, I'm talking about you there with the newspaper pages and soda cans. And you with the food wrappers and coffee cups.

How is that helpful? That'll really teach litterbugs not to litter anymore if you just fine the people whose lawns the litter ends up on. It especially helps if you ignore all the other litter lying around.

If you see litter in a public park, are you going to fine the dying cancer-stricken wheelchair-bound person the trash blew up against? Or the person who dropped the litter on the ground instead of in a trash can two feet away? How is it fair to fine anyone except the litterbug?

Thanks a lot Philadelphia Streets and Walkways Education and Enforcement Program (SWEEP). Their description: City-run program created to educate Philadelphia citizens about their responsibilities under the Sanitation Code. I recall no education about this before a fine got stuffed in my door.

Fantastic Four 1978 The Incredible Flying Bathtub!

Stop making Sue Storm dumb! Why can't she think to use her powers to turn invisible on her own without getting orders from Reed? She should have known Mr. Fantastic couldn't be beaten by a colied wrapped around him. And why does she have to practice her powers and the others don't?


If Ben can lift 50 tons with his strongest finger, why does it take two arms and lots of effort to life 100 tons?

The Fantasticar: As the Marvel mash-up says: it's a flying bar of soap! It's a flying refrigerator with the doors removed! Sue -- and Thing -- can't be too happy Reed repurposed their fridge. It's a flying group bathtub with tiny compartments! Cozy. What happens when it rains? Not very aerodynamic, is it? No wonder the ever-loving blue-eyed Thing ain't always clamoring to pilot it like he does everything else that flies. Why does Sue get a compartment as tiny as Herbie's?

Reed's the dumbest smart guy in the world. Consider the Fantasticar. Also, when he told Magneto that he hadn't taken the man's powers. He could just have never told or at least waited until Magneto was in cuffs. Of course, they'd have needed plastic cuffs. And if you make a tunnel out of a sealed environment, the atmosphere's going to escape anyway.

Miscellaneous - Villians buy action figures of their enemies to play with? Reed looks like a limp noodle. Come on, Kong wannabe, climb the building! Those peaceful people will eventually get slaughtered if they keep calling others ugly. Yeah, who wants to rule this mess of a world?

Riding Sidesaddle: Propriety, Flexibility, and the Bow-Legged Way

Why were women forced to ride sidesaddle way back when? Every description I've read sounds beyond uncomfortable. And heaven forbid anyone go at a gallop and fly off!



Weren't the skirts of the time more than voluminous enough to accomodate riding face forward? They contained enough material to cloth twenty orphans or so. Must have been awfully hot and heavy to wear and not in any good way.

Women tend to be more flexible if you believe countless Hollywood depictions. Cheerleaders doing splits. Yoga chicks locking their legs behind heads. Guys doing splits to horrible cracking sounds, crotch grabbing, and screams of pain...



Not to be indelicate but don't women have more need to spread their legs wide for giving birth and such? It's not a dirty thing to be ashamed of. What do guys need to spread their legs for?

The cowgirl position = fun in the sack. The cowboy bow-legged walk = funny-looking. What more is there to say?

Fantastic Four 1967, Thing in a Diaper!

The Thing's a big softy - He looks more puffy Michelin Man than hard rock. And why does his underwear uniform look like a diaper?


Invisible Girl? Why isn't she the Invisible Woman? They have a female on the team and she always has to be the damsel in distress. She's always the hostage, she does anything that Reed says, and she's always scared. Insulting!

Vacations and islands - Who vacations in Transylvania? Was that episode a tribute to Scooby Doo? What's with all the islands? If Mr. Fantastic's so smart, why did he fall for that island scam? I've got a bridge to sell...

Those men saved Dr. Doom's life, healed him, taught him magic, gave him pretty much everything like a charity case. Why make him their ruler too?

Why does Mole Man look like Doc Ock?

Avast! Thanks for Not Letting Me Use Your Software...

Realizing I haven't scanned for malware in way too long, I set out to update the seven malware programs on my system. Yes, I know they all complain about each other but they can just suck it up since no one of them is good enough to be The One.


Updating from within Avast! proved impossible (remnants of two versions back!, connection kept unconnecting and and killing unresumable loooong downloads!). So I uninstalled the program. Ahhh, cathartic deleting! Except a certain component refused to be deleted no matter what, not even in Safe Mode or with Avast!'s deletion tool. Yes, they actually made a separate program to delete their stuff... and it still didn't work.

I then downloaded the 160 MB plus newest version of , scanned with the other six scanners, and installed it. Opened it to tweak the settings and, among other things, checked the option to not allow malware to close the program, closed the program. I hate a slow startup full of programs I don't want running all the time so I opened up msconfig to remove the program from starting up automatically. I then opened up services.msc to change the Avast services from Automatic to Disabled. This is how I usually leave things so that once in a blue moon I can go into Services, set it to Manual and run the program once before Disabling in again.

All my settings set, I restart, go to Services to set Avast! to Manual so I can update to the latest malware definitions and run the program once. Denied! The option in Avast! I turned on to keep malware from closing the program now isn;t allowing me to turn the program on. What a conundrum! What maroons! I uninstalled the program once more and deleted the whole mess. Except, of course, for that one last component that refuses to get off my system. Thanks a lot Avast! And no thanks anymore.